Decide and Commit - Why Self-doubt keeps us stuck with TMS pain
I don’t know how it happened. Suddenly, I was doubting every single decision I had to take. I no longer knew what I wanted, and because of this, I looked to others for their opinions and suggestions. Even if I eventually took the decision, I kept doubting whether I made the right choice, wondering whether something else would have been better after all…
Sounds familiar? And what does this have to do with TMS pain?
Thing is, the more people I get to know who suffer from Tension Myositis Syndrome, the more I notice how self-doubt is preventing them from true success - both with their recovery from pain, and life in general.
I realised that self-doubt and the inability to own one’s decisions is a component of low self-worth, of a personality trait that tends to rely on other’s judgements, approval and opinions.
Unfortunately, this can also be a huge stumbling block to TMS Recovery: because the people around us may not have heard of TMS, or may not be ready to accept it, we tend to doubt whether we’re taking the right approach for our pain, even though deep inside, we know that we resonate with the concept. Even though we know that there are so many things pointing towards the fact that our symptoms could simply be TMS.
Why do we lose our ability to take decisions?
There are several factors that contribute to our inability to own our decisions. It could be the fact that we’ve taken a couple of decisions that we regretted in the past, and therefore we now fear taking a wrong decision again.
But in most cases, it’s a case of either perfectionism or low self-confidence. The perfectionistic tendency (so common in people with TMS) will tend to second-doubt decisions that may lead to less-than perfect outcomes. A person with this kind of trait may be more easily disappointed if something fails, and may not be able to acknowledge the benefits of a particular outcome, just because these benefits get obscured by some sort of failure or inconvenience.
So the next time this person is about to take a decision, he or she will keep thinking back on all the things that went wrong in the past. If a decision comes with an element of discomfort or risk (as most important decisions do), he or she may hesitate and never take that step.
A person with low self-confidence, on the other hand, may have learnt to rely on others’ opinions because this feels safe. When he or she needs to take a decision, this person will often ask other people what they would do instead, and gradually, this can lead her to totally disconnect from her own true wishes or desires. Due to this disconnection, this person may feel stuck, knowing that she’s meant to be doing something else but not quite knowing what this something is.
Unfortunately, the teen pressure that we go through in early life tends to contribute to this sense of low self-worth. We want to be doing what others are doing, dressing in the way that others are dressing, because we want to connect with others. This may also extend to other important decisions we take later on: such as the decision to take a particular job or get married, just because others are doing this. In the process, we may end up losing ourselves.
Own your decision to follow the TMS approach!
I get plenty of questions from people asking me to help them figure out whether they can successfully treat their symptoms as TMS.
The majority of those who ask me already know that the approach will help them, deep down. However, they just want to hear it from someone, even though in reality, nobody can confirm this for sure, because to arrive to the conclusion that you have TMS, you need to take a good look at your personality, emotions, symptoms, and a number of other interrelated factors.
I can sense that these people are pulled towards TMS because they really resonate with the concepts. They have seen dozens of specialists, ruled out all serious diagnosis, established various links between their anxiety and their symptoms, and yet… they doubt.
And because doubt is the very thing that keeps one stuck, they may halt or lengthen their recovery.
It’s also a big pity to see people who have made plenty of progress already with TMS get stuck at the very lust hurdle, just because there is still that shred of a doubt that, maybe, just maybe, some percentage of the pain could be structural. They just cannot stop thinking about what an incompetent specialist once told them about a past injury, or about that tiny herniation in their MRI, even though now they have all the proof that the pain cannot be linked to a structural cause.
And because of this, some may subject themselves to a ‘mix and match’ of treatments. They try and tackle their pain as TMS, but they still go to a chiropractor to ‘adjust’ their body, or they still stretch because they believe stretching will fix their pain. This creates a huge conflict in the brain that may halt recovery.
If you relate to this, try to do yourself a favour.
If you haven’t done so already, COMMIT to following TMS concepts consistently for a period of time. If possible, don’t do anything else for that period of time. Don’t even try to justify your decision by seeking other’s approval of what you’re doing. Get a TMS book or follow a TMS recovery program consistently.
Eventually, you will also need to DECIDE to be free of pain (unfamiliar as this sounds!). This decision takes place on an even deeper level, and will result from your confidence in TMS, and from your ability to let go of past stories, unhelpful identities and beliefs.
OWN your decisions, especially when it comes to chronic pain. It’s possibly one of the most important things.