How having fun can help you with TMS Recovery
An element that is much overlooked as we try to dig deep for repressed emotions and negativity, play is nevertheless a crucial component to integrate into your TMS recovery. Just take a moment to recall your summer or Christmas holiday as a kid. If you’ve had a relatively normal childhood, chances are that on some occasions, you found yourself absorbed in a playful venture - whether you were building sandcastles or playing hide and seek, you were fully immersed in that moment, and during that time, nothing else mattered. No other thought crossed your mind.
How things change for us in adulthood
Unfortunately, a lot of adults lose touch with this wonderful state of play. It may begin with the increased responsibility of taking your studies very seriously or finding employment, which will prompt you to think about the future much more often, instead of staying in the present. These thoughts of the future unfortunately accompany most of us for all our adult life. What’s more, in your twenties, you’re likely to have experienced a change in your leisure activities as a late teen or twenty-year old. Instead of enjoying a game of hide and seek, you’re more likely to head to a crowded nightclub, to a bar, or a restaurant, and you’re more likely to sit down and discuss problems with friends rather than play a game. While there’s nothing wrong in chatting to friends, this still doesn’t compare with the incredible playful experiences you used to get as a child building sandcastles. Besides socialising, now you’re also trying to look, sound and be a certain way, depending on the values and expectations of those around you.
To top it all, some of us try and seek relaxation and elation through the use of alcohol or other substances, while others (particularly TMSers) may become over-concerned about what other people are thinking and saying about us, causing us to lose our spontaneous nature and that genuine feeling of joy that characterised our best moments as kids.
You probably get how it all builds up by now; by our mid-twenties, most people are thinking very seriously about how they’d like their future to be, some are getting married and taking on new responsibilities, and although these are not bad things in themselves, all of these thoughts and responsibilities are more likely to throw play and fun completely out the window. What’s more, the very idea of living up to other people’s ideals will strip you of your genuine personality and true values, erasing your childhood dreams, sometimes making it impossible for you to even remember how it felt like to be spontaneous, creative, or totally at ease.
Why fun and play are so important in TMS
TMS results from a buildup of stress, emotional repression and negative emotions. To counter the effects of these stress hormones, you need to try and induce different, more beneficial hormones. As Dr David Hanscom puts it:
“When we are at play our bodies secrete feel-good chemicals.
Our sense of well being is dependent on our body’s chemical makeup on a given day. If you’re full of Gabba and other feel-good hormones then it’s a good day. If your body is full of stress chemicals then it’s a bad day. The essence of the solution is to learn how to regulate your own body’s chemistry.” (MightyParenting)
So what do we do to regulate our body’s chemistry? How can we play and have fun if we’re in intense chronic pain, if we’re constantly anxious and we can’t even remember the last time we had a real laugh? For some, it won’t be easy.
Tips on incorporating play into your TMS Recovery Plan
Here are some of my personal suggestions, which I included when I myself was healing from TMS, and which I try to incorporate into my everyday life to beat anxiety and other negative emotions:
1) playful physical activity - by this I mean any physical activity that incorporates a playful element, and which is not too rigid. Don’t treat this as a workout or physical therapy - there is too much seriousness in that! This could simply be a swim where you allow yourself to drift afloat, or snorkel down to explore the seabed. It could be a walk when you decide to explore a new corner of the woods. It could be trying a new pose in yoga, just for fun, without too much pressure. If possible, I suggest undertaking such playful physical activities with friends or family, as being with someone else will help make the situation even more fun. If you cannot be too physical, a board game can work just as well to induce a playful state of mind.
2) creative work - this could help you tap into some of the things you used to enjoy as a child but have now abandoned - painting, sewing, writing or any other kind of artwork or craft will help you immerse yourself within the present moment, inducing a state of play similar to the one experienced when you used to build sandcastles! Stop doing your creative work when it stops being fun!
3) humour - try and incorporate humour into your everyday life. Watch a comedian you like, find an old friend with whom you share funny memories and start recalling them. In my opinion, humour works best if practised with those people with whom you feel totally at ease, in a setting where you can relax, such as in your own terrace or at the beach.
Those, in my opinion, are the best 3 things you can do to bring fun and joy back into your life. And now, here are the top 3 things to avoid doing:
1) Avoid complaining and sharing negativity when you meet friends, or set a limit for this. While it is good to share your worries with friends and perhaps seek their opinion, try not to make the entire outing solely about problems.
2) Avoid doing things just because you should be doing them - this is easier said than done. However, it’s worth being able to distinguish between necessary shoulds and unnecessary shoulds. You should definitely try and eat healthy and provide care and support for your kids, for instance, but you don’t really have to scrub the kitchen clean every day!
3) Avoid people or situations that stifle your sense of spontaneity and creativity. If you cannot avoid them, try and set very solid boundaries. Let’s say you feel that you can’t really be yourself around your colleagues. In this case, try not to hang out with them too often outside of work, and make sure that you meet someone after work with whom you can be yourself (it could be spending time with your own family).
There’s hardly any blog post I’ve enjoyed writing more than this one, as it’s served as such a great reminder for myself as well! At a time when people in many parts of the world are trying to get back to some sort of normality due to Covid-19, in the past months, it has been even easier than usual to slip into a more negative, confined and un-playful state. But if your outdoor activities are no longer as limited as they used to be, if you can at least meet a few friends again, I encourage you to take the opportunity. Start incorporating fun and play into your life again, and you’ll feel the difference!